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Welcome to my blog. My name is Beth and I am here to share my journey with you and different things I learn and work through. I am a hardworking single cat momma to a rescued black and white cat named Maude who keeps me in line. I am a proud Auntie to my one year old niece Fiona and enjoy seeing life through her eyes.

Working out is my outlet and an enjoyment along with running. When life gets too scary I try and dance away the scaries and enjoy a kick ass throwback playlist. My physical health, mental health, and desire for improvement and to continuous be a lifetime learner propel me forward.

I went through a very hard season of my life and my journey and transformation helped get me towards the life I’ve always wanted but also felt like I was never going to attain. I learned a lot of difficult lessons and struggled. I am here to teach you about my journey and struggles and share my way through the darkness.

Two Years ago my mom died from metastatic breast cancer. She was diagnosed almost five years prior and had been working to transform herself and heal herself in more ways than one. My mom had regrets in her life and she sacrificed a lot by putting our family first for most of her life. She loved writing, painting, bird watching, being outside, and working in her gardens the most. She was not a fan of large crowds, big meals, or the wind.

My mom was my best friend and she talked to me multiple times a day sometimes and she was heavily involved in knowing what was going on in my life. After losing her I quickly realized I lost a version of myself with her that day. Yes, I would always be her daughter, but I needed to redefine what that meant and how I was going to show up for myself like she had shown up for me for years.

For the first time, I had to give myself what she always had given me and instead of looking for someone else to fill that spot it needed to come from me. I so badly wanted to be in a relationship and bury my grief in moving on and showing others I was loveable. I love projects and tried to fix or heal others and wanted someone to just love me and take care of me. I made a few attempts at love with this drive behind me and I kept coming up short uncertain why it either didn’t work or wondering what I was doing wrong.

I was anxious about not always having plans or someone to do the things on my bucket lists with. I have always been independent, but a girl does grow tired of this after a while. Through therapy, hiring a coach, and restarting I began to nourish my inner little kid and started creating joy again in my life. I took the initiative to catch up with friends I wanted to see. I tried new things I either didnt get to do when I was a kid or was afraid to learn. I started making my life full instead of waiting for someone to come along and fill it.

Little by little I began to have fun again. I started feeling like my old self, but the version of her I admired. I took care of myself and feed my soul and body giving it what i needed. I stumbled, I slide backward briefly a few times, but each time I learned to be more gentle with myself and accept where I was. I forgave myself and provided grace. I began to feel comfortable in my body and I slowly started liking who I was.

None of this was an overnight transformation or epiphany. My healing and path has never been linear or straightforward. I did however slowly realize over time I was starting to like being myself and I was not being as nasty to myself as I had. We can be the cruelest to ourselves if we are not careful.

I stopped blaming others or outside circumstances for my reality or progress towards what I envisioned my life to look like. I started taking little steps forward and believing I was going to do all the various things i daydreamed of.; falling in love, having my dream job, buying a house, sharing my story, and coaching others. If I kept limiting myself through my beliefs and mindset I would continue to limit my upward growth. I began a journey to grow and transform myself and learn how to love myself again and do hard things, but also not let those hard things define me or place me in a predefined box.